A Thousand And One
by asthmatichufflepuff
Summary: He kept walking because he didn't know what else to do. He had never asked to be the Destroyer of Time. Oneshot. Experimental angst. #5 of 50 Oneshots Project.


He didn't realize it, but he had been just a tiny bit shattered from the very start.

He never did call it being broken.

Just being different.

When Mana died, Allen kept walking because it had been a promise. The only thing worth going on for.

When he was taken in by General Marian Cross, Allen slaved and worked and paid off every single debt that had been pushed onto him because it distracted him from the loss, the _emptiness_, of Mana not being there.

In all truth, the Fourteenth had started to awaken long before he had reached the Order. The rage, the want to lose control - but it was deep down in there. No chance of it escaping then.

When his master knocked him out after ordering him to become a full-fledged Exorcist, Allen obeyed because it was the easiest thing to do, and because he actually felt interested.

When he met Lenalee, Allen knew that - no matter what kind of background she had - she was a spoiled brat, with a brother that doted on her much too much.

When he met Kanda, Allen had offered his hand out of manners alone. When Kanda refused to touch a cursed being such as him, he didn't feel surprised. No, he felt pity.

But he kept his mask up.

When Lavi introduced himself to Allen, the parasitic-type had been annoyed. Annoyed was the simplest way to put it. It was a nagging itch, a sense of vulnerability of being near someone who knew so much about everything, even Allen himself, when the whittete didn't have a single clue as to what his future held.

When he fought akuma, Allen felt nothing. It was only a tiring job, to slay the gruesome machines created by the Millenium Earl. He knew that to pretend that the loss of their souls hurt him would cause others to think that he was foolish and naive. Then they would let their guard down.

And it would be so much more _convenient _to get rid of them then, wouldn't it?

When he met Road at that repeating town, he felt a sense of companionship, to be close to someone else who had the same problems he did.

He didn't actually know it was insanity at the time.

It was a shame he couldn't join the Noah then, and tell them about himself, the host of the last Noah. But it was inevitable. That girl Lenalee and the weak Miranda had been there. They would have seen.

When he encountered Tyki Mikk in that forest, it was out of spite that Allen did not reveal his identity.

When the Tease pierced his heart and the current of accursed life flowing in his body dulled and slowed, he felt just the smallest sense of relief that his existence would be gone. Over. no more duty, no more planning a coup d'etat, no more worrying over being the Destroyer of Time or the future Fourteenth.

When he woke up at the Asian Headquarters he felt bitter hatred at still being alive.

He felt like a coward. He so wanted to just _die _but he didn't have the strength, nor the will to pull the rhetorical trigger himself.

It was on the day that the Level Four attacked that he decided.

Allen would rise to the top. No, not a God -

"_If a God of any sort existed, why is there this suffering and pain in the world?"_

\- but someone strong. Perhaps he would take over as Earl, and a smile tugged at his lips at the notion -

"_Lord Millenium is in search of you… Looking for the Heart now, have you heard the news?"_

And then, all of a sudden, he _did_ want to live.

And then, all of a sudden, he wanted to kill them all, to prove his existence. His worth.

It was beneficial to his plans when his Innocence evolved and that silly, silly little Akuma was defeated. Crown Clown was loyal to the side he wanted to leave, however. He'd have to fix that in the future.

The Ark was the being he felt the most comfortable with. He could control it; it obeyed him. A relationship he thought was wonderful.

When they all fell down, he would remain standing.

When they cursed his name and the very day he had been born and abandoned, he would laugh at such amusing antics and cut them down.

When they died, he would walk away as if he had never met them in the first place.

But that was in the future.

For now, he would smile a broken smile, wear a broken mask, walk a broken walk. And live a broken life.

He didn't realize it, but he had been just a tiny bit shattered from the very start.

He never did call it being broken.

Just being different.

**A/N: Aaaaand cut. Not sure about this, but, ay, it was clogging my Google Drive and I wanted to see if I could do angst.**

**Constructive criticisms welcome.**


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